February 28, 2024
The Giant Pen on their discussion night explored a very fragile and sensitive topic. What is your take on this? You can air your own view on the comment box. Don't forget you can also be part of this family.

THE GIANT PEN GROUP DISCUSSION.

TOPIC: Sex Before Or After Marriage?

Personally, I feel no sex before marriage adds more value to the marriage. In the sense that you still have the longing and the drive to experience intimacy with your partner. But when you have sex before marriage, you don’t have anything to look forward to.The anticipatory senses about sex on the wedding day night, is a plus to marriage race. I don’t dispute those that engage in sex before marriage but what of the value that has been lost in it? it’s an everlasting enjoyment.But, let us look at it in the physical realm, sex before the marriage gives assurance of both gender to know how sexually active and capable they are: (short or long range timing during sex).Asides the fact that sex is a sin to God and to the body, it has a lot of disadvantages:1. Sex is not just about having fun, there’s an emotional or psychological bond and spiritual tie that is formed during sex, You can never be sure of any partner, even that fiancee can end things a night before your wedding, so, why get entangled with the wrong people?

2. Sex before marriage can lead to health issues and abortions(a more greater sin). This is because the use of protection is not sure and diseases can spread, that’s if your partner is not Faithful. Also, some ladies take pills to prevent pregnancy which could be harmful and then cancer sets in or they eventually get pregnant and try to abort the child, in the process loose their wombs. This so called partner then leaves them for someone else. “When you have sex with someone you’re also having sex with the people they have had sex with”. It’s way deeper than that one time pleasure. So, i still stand for abstinence till the partners are married.Also, if we bring it to the aspect of the African tradition, we’ll see that civilization has contributed in changing the norms and lifestyle of Africans because everyone is trying to become westernized.Our forefathers had great respect for sacredness in marriage and it was of great honour when a person(especially a lady) marries as a virgin.So we shouldn’t be separated from our roots and should maintain the “NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE” practiced by our fathers.Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envying, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in the past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21.Sex before marriage is fornication and it’s a sin. There are lots of consequences and disadvantages for it. Abortion can take place and which is murder. God hates fornication the most because it is a sin against ones body and against God.Now, sex has become issues in a relationship. Most guys are not contented if the lady bring the idea of no Sex before marriage. But let be sincere, sec before marriage should be prohibited. It devalues our culture and can lead to internal and emotional damage. I submit to the idea of no sex before marriage based on trust of both partner.

Question: Now let’s have a heart to heart rapport, regardless of all the things we have counted.First question – As a guy, can you do “no sex before marriage”?

One of the sweetest thing in a relationship is sex, but it breaks my heart when I see how this sex of a thing has caused so many damages in relationship which might later lead to the cause of the lady getting pregnant just because of a raw sex with her partner.At this point, the lady might be pushed to terminate the pregnancy if she doesn’t want to keep the baby. What a life damage this might cause. My own point of view is that it’s better you don’t involve yourself in any form of sex before marriage. After marriage, it’s a thing one can be doing almost everyday as long as you are doing it with your wedded partner.A word is enough for the wise. We young ladies out there, we shouldn’t allow our future and ambitions to get jeopardised because of an unwanted pregnancy. Yes that is true, that has been the excuse some guys are giving. They will say they want to check if they are sexually compatible or not. But back to memory lane, sex shouldn’t be something that lead to divorce if there is understanding before marriage or in the marriage wondering how our forefathers have been have satisfying each other sexually. All this are excuse for social immorality. Those who have a crashed marriage is not due to sex incompatibility but lack of proper Understanding. Question: For ladies, you ladies seem to be at the losing end, whether sex before or after marriage. So I ask, Do you think sex is a pivotal criteria for a critical decision making for marriage?I have seen marriages that crashed (not a fiction) because of sexual incompatibility.What do you say to that? Sex before marriage does no good to a relationship, partners, and the society at large. People should be enlightened about sex before marriage because it brings about emotional damage for the lady, fornication, unwanted pregnancy and even against the commandments of God. But guys nowadays can’t abstain from sex in a relationship. Sometimes I think that maybe a lot of us have forgotten that not all courtships lead to marriage and what’s the lady’s gain if she’s abandoned after numerous sex.It’s a pity we are all saying no to sex before marriage when we don’t practice it. It’s always even more funny when they say they want to taste what they want to buy like it’s garri. I don’t think guys should intimidate us because it will affect us ladies the most and not guys. Sex before marriage is what brings about immorality in our society nowadays. Sex is designed by God only to be enjoyed in Marriage. Although, we have been created and humans are to have some sort of feelings and emotions, which can be controlled when it comes to the issue of Sex. Drifting away from the spiritual aspect, there are some negative impacts of pre-marital sex in which the lady is at the receiving end most times.The truth or fact remains that most guys just want to have sex (to satisfy their fleshy end) whether before, or after marriage. They want to have all the whole fun. Most of them aren’t even ready for marriage or, they dear marriage but want to catch all the whole sexual fun and pleasure. They aren’t even satisfied with one, we want to explore all girls if possible. Men don’t want to be lorded over, they want their freedom and still want to have their ways, etc.Ladies at their end, they want to get married. Most of them want a sincere men. They want to claim ownership of their men. They don’t mind giving their man sex before or after marriage hence they are rest assured marriage is sure, certain or promised. Most of them want the sex even before marriage but don’t want to be seen cheap, whore person a strumpet or someone that’s not decent. Most of them even crave for the sex more than some guys but don’t want to make it known because of tradition, culture, doctrine/religion, etc.We all have been saying what is good and bad but we know what we do.Not that we don’t have conscience or know the right thing to do but most of us find it difficult to do. Some of us know but we still do it.Some of us have already found ourselves doing them even when we know they aren’t right.Some just can’t do without it.Some are being controlled by their emotions and so, they do it.We all have one reason or the other for doing it, whether justifiable or not.The worst part is that, those that condemn those they see doing it are the ones doing it most.Those that preach it or speak against it are those that are chief or coach.I believe that the decision whether or not to have sex before marriage is deeply a personal and individual choice. It ultimately depends on an individual’s belief, values, and cultural background.For some individuals, choosing to abstain from sex before marriage may be an important part of their religious or cultural practices. They may believe that it strengthens the bond between partners and enhances the sacredness of the marital commitment.On the other hand, some people may not feel the same level of significance or importance attached to waiting until marriage. They may prioritize other factors in their relationships, such as emotional connection, trust, and communication.It’s essential to remember that everyone’s journey and values are different. What matters most is that individuals make choices that align with their own beliefs and make them feel comfortable and respected in their relationships. Ultimately, open and honest communication between partners are crucial in establishing boundaries and understanding each other’s needs and expectations.Just like a so-called relationship coach who was once telling us how to protect our relationship allowed emotions and a lack of common sense to control her own emotions. If a man asks you what you will bring to the table don’t reply to him VIRGINITY. After he breaks it when he gets married to you, will you still say you will bring virginity to the table? I know of a woman that married as a virgin but her husband still went out to impregnate another woman. Should having sex or not having sex before marriage be a bone of contention in our modern world? What about both sexes’ character, comportment, common sense, zeal to live their lives to the fullest, to achieve their dreams and visions, etc? We are here arguing that sex before marriage should be PROHIBITED (who wants to prohibit it when the world is already NUDE? When many religious places allow women to dress half-clothed to church and tag it (God searches the heart?) Should I get married to a woman all in the name of enjoying sex? Wow! After a few years, we will come to realize that sex isn’t what can keep a home but two people’s effort and diligence, and love backed up with patience, togetherness, and companionship. Marriage isn’t all about sex even if a lady needs to keep herself (important for a lady to remain chaste). It should be all about companionship because one day the woman will not appeal to the man again and she will become too old in his sight. That is when the essence of everything will start playing out. There are many broken homes and divorced people out there. Did sex keep the marriage? Did bearing children keep the marriage? You can be a virgin and do despicable things even non-virgins haven’t attempted to do. Some virgins watch pornographic movies, kiss, smooch, etc but have no sex. Does that mean they are chaste? Our problem is that we are HYPOCRITES, we always hide our identities. Being a virgin isn’t enough, what about your character? In as much as I want you to be a virgin, work on your character because that is what can keep the home. Don’t be a relationship coach without common sense. SEX IS WHAT ANYONE CAN GET ANYWHERE, EVEN IN YOUR RELIGIOUS PLACES MANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE HAVING LOW-KEY SEX BACKED UP WITH HALLELUJAH, AND ALLAHUAKBAR TO GOD’S GLORY. The thing is, they are all clamouring about sex and somehow, neglecting other aspects that are also very imperative and important.Being a virgin isn’t enough to call you a good girl or a wife material (I’m not saying it’s not good to be a virgin)Even love is not enough for marriage so, why focusing on one and neglecting the other?Most men we have today just want to have their ways (only few care about virginity).Like Moses (Odogwu) said, there are things that virgins do that when you see or hear, you will give your life to Christ, again and again.Most of them have explored. Infact, most of them aren’t virgins because it’s of their own accord but they are entangled or ensnared by their tradition, background or religion.To me, you don’t use another man’s decision to determine your own. We are different, in background, mindsets, ways of thinking, etc.I have seen strumpets (Ashawo), getting married to good men and they are living well (I no talk say make you join them oò).Know what works for you and follow it. If being a celibate is your calling and you can handled the pressure, please do. If you can’t marry without testing, na you.Another man’s meat is another man’s poison.Through it all, we should try to uphold morality, decency and live uprightly…It’s not easy, but if you try and I do the same, it becomes easy.Thank you all for reading. You can also drop your own comment or review on the comment box~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CONTRIBUTORS

Judaisky

Joshua Anastasia (Stacey)

Oderinde Tayo Kayode (OTK) Abdulrasheed Azeezat Adefunmilayo(Empress Zee)

Idowu Praise Oluwafemi (PhemmyClassique)

Oyegoke Oluwabukunmi (Bukunmi)

Aliri Favour Onyinyechi (Gurlboss)

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EDITOR:Onyinye.

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