I’m The Enemy You Killed, Brother.
They have always said that it only takes one event to change you forever, either for the best or for the worst, and quite frankly, it’s funny how we never understand another person’s dilemma until we find our self in one.I used to be a very outgoing person, vibrant and timid. I hate to lose, and the fear of losing always makes me want to do more. Not only that, but I never quit, no, I can’t bring myself to do that. My mantra in life has always been“ it’s either I win or I win” and I forgot to mention I also have this brother who is the definition of perfection, right from when I was younger, I wanted to be everything that he was, His reality was a dream for me. “What do you want? ” I didn’t have an answer to that question, I just wanted to be everything my brother was.Soon enough, it dawns on me that I could never be him. It all happened on a cold evening in July, I had just finished an exam I practically used my whole life to prepare for.“ I am sure I’ll do perfectly well” or so I told myself, but when the results were released I failed not because I did but because I didn’t meet my expectation. My entire world shattered right at that moment, this exam determines my future and right at that moment I couldn’t see the future, it became something I was close to yet very far from. My parents were not making things easier. “Put in more effort,” they would say. “Try to be more like your brother.”They have always said these but this time it had a different effect on me, It felt as though I was born solely to live in his shadow, a constant reminder of his greatness. I came to the painful realization that I would never be enough. I felt like a failure. Furthermore, I questioned myself about my dreams,“ was it truly what you wanted? ” No, it was what they wanted,“ what do you want? ” I couldn’t find an answer to that question, I had grown accustomed to being who everyone told me to be.In the darkest corners of my mind, a seed of vengeance took root and grew. It twisted and thrived on the bitterness and resentment that consumed me. Over time, my happiness withered, and nothing seemed to hold any significance for me anymore. You broke me, your world crushed my spirit. I became uncertain of my identity, transforming from a vibrant and timid girl into someone who is desperate, frantic, and emotionally void.I AM THE ENEMY YOU KILLED, BROTHER.
Zainab Olasunkanmi zainab Thz, Faculty of arts, Department of history and international studies.100 level Olasunkanmi zainab is a student writer from Ibadan , currently pursuing BA.history and international studies at University of ilorin . She has a passion for prose/ short story writing and she finds writing and reading as a way of coping with stress and something fun to do.
