FACE ME I FACE YOU
Written By:- Joseph and Judaisky
In ISINU Street, in Mushin Lagos State. there were so manya One Room apartment popularly known as Face Me I Face You. In this ISINU STREET, there was a house located close to the end of the street. The house wasn’t painted, it was an ancient Upstairs, built in the days of our forefathers.
One sardonic misery was that this said house only have One kitchen and One toilet With over 35 Tenants living in both upstairs and downstairs.
The House consists of different Tribes, infact those in the street call the House “Civilian Barrack” because the house consists or different breeds of human.
Mama Ebuka, a fat Igbo woman with 2 children, a Son and a Daughter. Her husband was commercial Bus Driver. Her son Ebuka is 13 years old and daughter will clock 10 this year. Mama Ebuka cannot speak English very well which placed a limitations to his academic career.
One shining scorching Thursday, she came out from her dusty room to ease herself, She saw her son’s Slippers outside then she call
“Chai. chemo… Ebukkkaaa… Ebukkaaaa lekwanum Anya oo, Come out, kon see yourself, Look at your slippers on the floor, You better take it inside before our enemy of progress use it for rituals. I dey warn you oh Ebuka”.
His son picked it with his grimaced face like that of gorilla undergoing emotional trauma .
Just then, she felt some rumblings in her stomach which she already known the interpretation thereof
“It seems I wan poo poo, chaiii make I rush go toilet”.
She walked quickly to the toilet but as she was about entering she saw “Mallam gwadu” an hausa man who resides downstairs with his fellow hausa men, they were about 15 Hausa men in the room. This Mallam Gwadu quickly entered before Mama Ebuka could enter the Toilet.
Mama Ebuka with frustration shouted “Chimmo, I don die oh, Na this Hausa man enter the toilet, Chai and I dey pressed, Chineke wetin I go do. make I wait small”.
After waiting for about 25 minutes , Mallam Gwadu didnt come out. Mama Ebuka couldn’t stand it anymore because it seems she will soon deficate on her body. she began to hit the door so that Mallam Gwadu will come out.
Mallam Gwadu with anger spoke from inside the toilet “Who be rat?, Who be rat wey dey disturb am for me, Maram. Wohrapen nah, Me I dey shit Iyabose Beans, Me I dey disturb Me, kai walahi Me I never finish at all at all.”
Mama Ebuka put her hands on her head “Chinmo this one nah death, You dey labour? , Chaiii. this shit don hold me tight oh.. Make I quick go public toilet wey dey for Next street, But you this Hausa man If I catch you, you will never never near me again, dont worry you don do your own, I go do my own too”. Mama Ebuka rush out and carry bike to the Public toilet in the Next street.
Mama Titi a yoruba woman who seems to be a pest to mama Ebuka, was peeping from one corner of her window as the event was going on between Mama Ebuka and the Mallam in the toilet, After Mama Ebuka carried bike and left for public toilet, she now came out of her hiding haven Laughing hysterically like a bewitched fowl,
“Yeye people, That Mama Ebuka never see anything, laugh won kill me, See as she jump for bike when Shit hold her weller, This our landlord self don craze, Na only to collect money he Sabi. He never do another toilet for us. Anyway, God catch that parrot Mama Ebuka. abeg let me go and get water for bathing jere”. She walked out to fetch water opposite their house.
watchout for the next
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